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 [BG]Journal d'Axton

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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:06

(Avertissement : Ce journal est avec lui, la plupart du temps, ou plus ou moins bien caché, il l'a écrit en ascalonien pour limiter le nombre de gens qui pourraient le lire s'ils mettaient la main dessus de toute façon, donc si vous y avez accès je vous le dirais, c'est loin d'être un BG complet parce qu'il y note que quelques pensées qui lui sont venues à partir de son arrivée à maguuma, et il l'a commencé bien plus tard, quand Yaden lui a parlé du momento mori, donc il revient en arriere sur certains faits qui se sont produits avant, mais pas trop longtemps avant.
Désolée, pour les anglophobes, bonne lecture quand même.)


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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:06

Yaden is probably right, once again, writing should make it easier for me to remember what I am, what I want, to not feel as lost as I do now.

So I am just sitting on a rock, thinking about what I really want, somehow knowing what it is before writing it out should help. Or not maybe just writing anything would help me sort it out ? Here I am stalling again, trying to figure out who came first, the egg or the den ?

Well I shouldn't be mad, that right now people misunderstand me all the time, I can't even understand myself.


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Dernière édition par Axton/Saellyan le Mer 26 Aoû - 9:27, édité 2 fois
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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:07

The more the day pass the more I hate being here. With the help of Yaden drugs, I see things more clearly  I think, until now I just saw two path one just embracing my carrier like he did. Just thinking about work, and the things to do to get there.

But I won't follow exactly his footsteps, since I am not like him, and I have to aknowledge that. There is the part of me that just want to go back to Amy, to just have a family life. If I choose any of these life there will always be a part of me that is missing. Yaden said that I can't be sucessfull in both ways, and he is right trying to go on both path is just tearing me apart, and I am feeling it , and I have to find another way.

I am probably not cut out to be a magister anyway, So maybe I'll go back and choose to be a scholar instead of an explorer, while not being completly safe, it's kinda more my style I think.


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Dernière édition par Axton/Saellyan le Mer 26 Aoû - 9:25, édité 3 fois
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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:07

Retz is gone, I thought that since we were both here, we would be able to find some common ground. But i was just too hopefull, I didn't even provoque him in anyway this time. At least Yaden din"t kill him, the Monroe sisters are really pissed off at him right now to.

It is kinda funny Kaldur and I were the most impacted by what he did, and others are more furious about it than we are. Later that night the rain started falling again, that's so bad news but I least I could regain some of the control I lost in my life. I hate it when I loose this control, and it always come back to what happened 2 years ago, 2 years already, and it is still haunting me.


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Dernière édition par Axton/Saellyan le Mer 26 Aoû - 9:25, édité 3 fois
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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:07

The worse was the whole sylvari situation snafu. I should have been more persuasive, and I would have probably been if I had solved my own personnal dilemna beforehand, but I felt I lacked time so much, and I react so badly sometimes under pressure. I let the reason in Yaden's logic, to punish someone to send a message, and my own hate of death of anyone one enter in conflict while talking to the magister, my fault.

And I am still mad at Sonio for telling me she was okay with the whole plan, punish the one that assaulted her or if he was out of jail, get a prison gard express his racist feeling and assault either her again or me with the aspect of a sylvari. And then just turn around like that when exposing the plan and just backstab me instead of backing me up. And then go to Yaden to make sure everythiong was okay by him, while she was judging his plan not half an hour before. Maybe one day she will get a brain instead of taking the side of whoever talked last.


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Dernière édition par Axton/Saellyan le Mer 26 Aoû - 9:25, édité 3 fois
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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:08

What people don't get about me, is that I am not as deceitfull as they think I am. One day I am gonna say everything is bright, and the next everything is dark. But for me it is always the truth, time and what I feel just make me see things on a different perspective that's all. It's like observing a ligh going throug a prism, they say that each ray of color is a falsehood, while I say each one is the truth. I am not really jealous of Yaden, but sometimes I think he is lucky to never have that perspective emotional prism, and always stick to his opinion, weither he is lying or not.


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Dernière édition par Axton/Saellyan le Mer 26 Aoû - 9:25, édité 1 fois
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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:08

I hate death, I hate it there, at least Yaden is back, but Violine died .. in my arms while I was trying to save her. I tried to explain to her sister i did all I could, that I was sorry and how much it pained me and make me feel guilty. She just threw me out. Another person that just always gonna hate me. And this time it was not Mordremoth's minions, it was humans that were responsible.

We are loosing this war and still fighting against each other, the bandtis against the Pact, The whispers against the Priory, Some of the sylvari rioting against the whole camp, even if that was toned down the last month and a half, it is still there, I can tell.

We are so doomed.


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Dernière édition par Axton/Saellyan le Mer 26 Aoû - 9:25, édité 3 fois
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Axton/Saellyan
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Age : 44
Localisation : Picardie

Mer 26 Aoû - 9:08

I finaly finished my rapport, I wanted to show it to yaden, but he just got back, then we had to deal with Darius, and the threat he was announcing. Then Yaden had to go back to the priory. Well let's just hope for the best. He is lucky to get out of here, and he is not even gratefull for it, I hope I will get to go back too and that my request will be accepted.

And when I do go back I will have so much to do, find fonds for the priory, make sure Amy is safe after what happened whith the canthians, reduce her debt, see if I can find some clue about who is behind the targeting of Yaden, and see if i can help solve the mess Retz got himself into.


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[BG]Journal d'Axton

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